Action!: Journal Writing

[I found this post in my blog drafts. Originally written in January of this year, I didn't publish it. I felt nervous about exposing my soft underbelly to unknown readers, but today I feel ready… I hope.]

In September 2012 I posted Action: Writing and more writing. I listed a variety of writing I do, and have shared samples since then. (See: Action!: Morning Pages, Action!: My memoirs, and Comic Relief: Humor Notebook.)

I have faithfully kept journals since 1975. Sadly, some of my early journal entries are fading because I used regular looseleaf paper and ballpoint pens. At one point I thought it was cute to write with a different color felt pen each day... those pages are now blank.

I learned my lesson and switched to archival quality journals and ink. I use 3-ring binders because I can put keepsake items (ticket stubs, obituaries, announcements) into acid-free sheet protectors and add them to my journal. Also, when I travel, I use my laptop to type my journal entries, then print them out when I get home to put in the binder.

I get my journals from Deseret Book, and they are available on-line (click here).
I prefer the large journals with 8 1/2 x 11 pages, but they also come in a smaller size.  

I prefer blue ink, and the extra fine point which is difficult to find,
so I usually have to order a box of a dozen (click here).

Journal writing, for me, began as a college assignment for English Composition. We were required to write regularly in a journal during the semester. The next semester I took English Literature with the same professor, and same requirement. I wish I could give that instructor a hug for starting me on a valuable habit.

Yep, just a few of my journals.

A majority of my journal pages are filled with trivial day-to-day happenings, but it's my hope that my posterity will glean interesting phrases such as I needed to put up my hair (who says that anymore?). Even what seems like mundane daily life captures a bit of history.

But my main reason for maintaining a journal almost daily is so when special events or heartfelt moments need recorded I'm already in the habit and more likely to write it down.

Here is an example of a trivial entry:

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Last night I met Kurt at Sears and we looked at glasses. I need to have mine changed--frames and all. I didn't make a decision, but I did select some I like.

This morning I exercised for a little more than an hour. I hope I don't get overly tired today -- my long day on campus. I still have one class I haven't attended which I will go to tonight from 6-10 p.m.  Then I need to decide (and pray about the decision) which classes to keep and which (if any) to drop.

Nothing too interesting in that entry, huh? But then two days later I pour my heart out on paper...

Friday, January 11, 2008

I am sitting on the couch, crying. Why? Because it snowed in Baghdad. I just read about it on the Internet and it is difficult for me to express why snow falling in Baghdad caused tears falling for me. My first--and foremost--reaction was shame and sorrow. Here I live in a free country able to worship how and where and what I please, with others free to do the same. Here I live in a warm and comfortable apartment and attend a wonderful university. Yet... I have been wallowing in grumbliness because of snow -- the very thing that brought joy into the lives of many in Baghdad. Reading about it was a wake up call to me. Yes, we have far more snow here than in Iraq. Yes, it is cold here, and yes it is miserable to walk to class bundled up and slipping on ice -- BUT, there are far worse problems than "Poor me, I don't know what classes to take." or "Poor me, I wish it was Spring." I could be living in a war zone. I could be living in a country or city ravaged by fear and bombs, with conditions that can be compared to "hell" and that "hell" has just frozen over and, ironically, it brought joy.

So I sit here ashamed at my petty problems. And I sit here in sorrow that I, who have so much, rarely think of those in Iraq. I rarely think of their lives and their hope and fears. They are a "lump"--a country--in my mind. Rarely individuals, although they are God's children. I feel sorrow that it took "hell" freezing over to bring them to my attention. My tears are of shame and sorrow -- but strangely also of joy. Joy for God's children seeing a miracle, and something new. Joy that in their time of darkness and war they were given some moments of delight. And joy that through God's watchful eye they have seen peace...even if only for a couple hours.

When I look through my journals, I can tell which entries were written when I was feeling the Spirit--the handwriting is more elegant and the thoughts more eloquent. Which brings me to...

On Tuesday, November 3, 2009, I penned the following:

This semester I am taking a digital photography course for non-majors. It has been an interesting and at times frustrating experience. There are times that I take numerous shots of an object or subject yet it still looks like a snapshot, or a documentary, "Look, here is a flower." But then, when I continue taking pictures from different angles, different lenses, different lighting, I somehow manage to capture an image that looks more like a photograph. 

Today, as I browsed through some past journal entries, I realized that keeping a journal is like photography. Sometimes the entries are more like snapshots, or documentaries, "Look, here are some days of my life." But then, because I continue writing in my journal, there are times when I see from a different angle, or a different perspective or distance, and the "Light" (the Spirit) touches my writing in such a way that what I put on paper photographs the image of my soul.

Action!: Sitcom writing team.

Last week an associate contacted me and asked if I would be interested in being part of a sitcom writing team with the hopes of pitching the series to network executives. Am I interested??? YES! A dream come true!

Maybe watching The Dick Van Dyke Show planted that dream when I was young.  I loved watching the team of television writers (Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam) making wisecracks and brainstorming ideas.

Over the years, while watching sitcoms, I often thought, "What a blast to be with comedic minds and hammer out that script."

While studying screenwriting, sometimes students brought in their hopeful scripts for television comedies. After reading the pages, we sat around the table and discussed ideas to make it even stronger, often howling with laughter. Those were my favorite times in class.

Last Friday we had our first team meeting and discussed ideas about the premise, characters, background, and funny situations for the series. Our level of laughter increased when certain ideas gelled. So much fun and synergy, just as I imagined. I felt excited and grateful for the tremendous opportunity.

After the meeting, however, reality and fear set in.

Reality...

• I have never written anyone else's ideas or stories.
• I have never written a television script (it has different formatting, timing, and beats).
• I have never written a comedy.

Fear...

• What if I tank?
• What if I disappoint the others on the team?
• What if I'm not funny?

Of course, the inner negative critic had a heyday over that.  

• Who do you think you are?
• Who are you kidding?

But I don't care about all that. I want to do this and have to give it my best shot!  Thanks to Amazon and the public library, I found some books about writing for television, and writing comedy. I'll be cramming before our next meeting.

Opportunity knocked and I yanked it through the door.  Now I need to work hard to make sure it is tied securely to a chair and not escaping!

Action!: Screenwriter's group.

Last week I was invited to join a newly formed (on-line) screenwriter's group. I know most of the members, and admire the writing success of the group's host, so I accepted her invitation.

Since I've been re-writing my second feature-length script, I planned on submitting pages of that one for the group to critique, but then I decided to try my hand at writing short scripts. I've only written two.  My first one is real short, and the second one is incomplete (the one I planned to enter into that contest I missed).

I submitted my first short script to them. It's only 1.5 pages and no dialogue... I love visual story-telling!

It's amazing how nervous I was to submit that little script!!! Many writers view their work as their "babies" so even though the script was small, it was like I was sending my baby onto the stage and hoping she wouldn't embarrass me by singing off-key, or picking her nose.

Now I need to rest in a dark room until my nerves settle down... and gear up for the feedback.

Action!: Battling Resistance

It's been a long time since I posted about action. For the past few months, I made very little progress (if any). I was a victim of Resistance.

I set a goal to enter a short script into a screenwriting contest with a January 31 deadline. I referenced the contest a few times in my posts: "Block" Buster: Allow abundance.... "Block" Buster: Involve other imaginations. ... and Action!: First draft. That was the last Action post until now.

I was excited about the story with its unique concept, however, every time I set aside time to write, something interfered. Legitimate somethings, over-riding my writing. I knew Resistance was having a hey-day. As the deadline drew closer, I drew a line in the sand, so to speak, and blocked out my calendar so I could complete the script and obtain the goal. Take that, Resistance.

Then I became very ill. The deadline came and went while I feverishly hacked, barely able to think or function.

Missing that contest sent me into a deep blue funk. Resistance won, and I was tired of fighting the battle. I raised a white flag, and cried, "Uncle." I started searching for a job where Resistance would give me a free ride, because as Stephen Pressfield explains in The War of Art, "Resistance only opposes in one direction... It kicks in when we seek to pursue a calling in the arts, launch an innovative enterprise, or evolve to a higher station morally, ethically, or spiritually.... So if you're in Calcutta working with the Mother Teresa Foundation and you're thinking of bolting to launch a career in telemarketing... relax. Resistance will give you a free pass."

I wanted that pass. A job without Resistance nipping at my heels every day? Sign me up.

As the weeks went by and I struggled with thoughts of defeat, I questioned: If Resistance fights me when I strive towards goals, yet gives a free pass when I let go of the dream, where does Divine Assistance fit? Shouldn't Divine Help counteract Resistance? Shouldn't Divine Assistance give me a boost during the uphill battle, or provide a speed bump to slow my decline?

I felt alone and somewhat miffed in my battle-weary state and decided to have a long talk with God about it. This fight seems pretty one-sided. Can't I have a little help here?

God is a patient Father. He didn't tell me the answer, but told me where to find it. You refer to the War of Art. Why don't you read it again.

Okay. I did. And there I re-learned a horrible truth. Pressfield wrote: "Resistance is internal. ... Even though we think others or situations outside ourselves block us from doing our work, it's actually an inside job. Resistance comes from within."

What?!? Did I cause my own sickness just to resist the contest? I don't think so.

But then I remembered that a few days before the deadline, I actually rallied for a little bit, health-wise. I had thoughts that I should buckle down and do my best under the circumstances to finish the script and submit it. But I didn't even try. I didn't feel like writing. I ignored my writing rule: write no matter what (no matter I write, no matter where I am, no matter how I feel). I didn't cause my sickness, but I didn't take advantage of a window of time when I felt well enough to put my fingers to the keys. Ouch. Painful awareness. Resistance did indeed come from within.

As the cartoon character, Pogo, said, "We have met the enemy and he is us."

I kept reading, and came to the section titled "Combating Resistance," where I was reminded that a major key to fighting Resistance is to write. Do the work. Be committed and consistent.

The next section, titled "Beyond Resistance: Higher Realm" brought answer to my where's-the-Divine-Assistance question. Here are quotes that stood out to me...

"...the most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying.
Why is this so important?
Because when we sit down day after day and keep grinding, something mysterious starts to happen. A process is set into motion by which, inevitably and infallibly, heaven comes to our aid. Unseen forces enlist in our cause; serendipity reinforces our purpose."

"Just as Resistance has its seat in hell, so Creation has its home in heaven. And it's not just a witness, but an eager and active ally."

"Angels are like muses. They know stuff we don't. They want to help us. They're on the other side of a pane of glass, shouting to get our attention. But we can't hear them. We're too distracted by our own nonsense.
Ah, but when we begin.
When we make a start. ...
When we make a beginning, we get out of our own way and allow the angels to come in and do their job. They can speak to us now and it makes them happy. It makes God happy. ..."

Perhaps during that short window of wellness, making an attempt to finish the script might have brought a miracle. Maybe Divine Assistance stood nearby, eager to give me a dose of energy and clarity of thought, but I didn't do my part... I didn't try.

It took weeks to recover from the illness and months to recover from my Resistance wounds.

Thankfully, I was guided to read that book again, and reminded that I am not fighting the creative battle alone. There is Heavenly Help ready to give a boost, but I need to show up, be committed, and work... no matter what.

So I turned away from the free pass and re-entered the war of art. I'm writing every day, especially on my screenplay, even when inconvenient. And I've been rewarded with creative ideas... and joy.

Action!: First draft.

I finished the first draft of a short screenplay.

Way too much drama. There was sobbing, whining, noshing, questioning sanity, and loss of confidence...followed by weeping, wailing, and praying. Then I finally wrote the script.

"The hard part is getting to the top of page one." ~ Tom Stoppard

Ain't it the truth.

Action!: My memoirs.

Last week I shared excerpts from my Morning Pages (see: Action!: Morning Pages). Referring again to my post Writing and more writing, today I am sharing an entry from my memoirs. I selected a memory quite fitting for this time of year...

The Christmas during my first-grade year was magical. It started with our Christmas tree... a sagebrush  flocked with fake snow and decorated simply with blue bulbs. A rotating tri-colored light shone on the tree from the floor. I think it was the most beautiful memorable tree we ever had. (One year my dad found branches of a silver tinsel tree at the dump. He drilled holes into a broomstick and poked those hideous branches in. That tree was memorable too, but not beautiful.)

For this, my first-grade Christmas, I told Santa I wanted a toy piano. I envisioned the small kind, that sat almost flat on the floor with a few little plastic keys to go "plink, plink, plink" but still... it was a piano, and I wanted one.  

When Christmas Eve arrived, all eight of us children tried to sleep in the large bedroom at the opposite end of the apartment from the living room where Santa would place our gifts. My twelve-year-old brother, Jay, asked me what I hoped Santa would bring for me and I responded, "A toy piano." And he asked, "A grand piano?" I didn't understand what he meant, so he explained by outlining the shape of a grand piano in the air, his finger tracing the design in the moonlight coming through the window.

I recognized the shape, and realized that would be the most wonderful piano in the world! A grand piano! But I was deeply saddened... I had not asked Santa for a specific piano. Simply a piano. And now it was too late to clarify. I fell asleep both anxious and mournful.

Christmas morning I hurried into the living room, and there, across from the snow flocked sagebrush and next to my stocking bulging with an orange in the toe, was a black lacquer child-sized grand piano. It stood off the floor, with a matching bench for me to sit on. The back lifted up, just like a real grand piano, and I could play songs on it, not just tap a few little plastic keys.  

It was magic. Somehow Santa (and my brother) knew I really wanted the most wonderful piano of all.

Action!: Morning Pages

In an earlier post, I mentioned a variety of writing I do, and thought about sharing excerpts. (See:  Action!: Writing and more writing.) I'll start with Morning Pages, because, well, that's how I start my days.

I learned about Morning Pages when I read The Right to Write by Julia Cameron. That book was a balm to my writer's soul, and if I ever meet Julia, I will hug the stuffings out of her.

The Artist's Way is another favorite book of Julia's. Here's what she writes about Morning Pages:

"In order to retrieve your creativity, you need to find it. I ask you to do this by an apparently pointless process I call the morning pages. You will do the pages daily...

"What are morning pages? Put simply, the morning pages are three pages of longhand writing, strictly stream-of-consiousness... They might also, more ingloriously, be called brain drain, since that is one of their main functions.

"There is no wrong way to do morning pages. ...Pages are meant to be, simply, the act of moving the hand across the page and writing down whatever comes to mind."

She insists that even if a person can't think of anything to write, then simply write that sentence, "I can't think of anything to write." over and over until the three pages are filled. Write whatever pours off the top of your head, and don't read your Morning Pages for at least 8 weeks.

Here are two excerpts from my Morning Pages, Volume One.

April 12, 2005
I see a lipstick case that is off by itself. The cat probably batted it away from the pile it once sat near. It's a pile of items I pulled out of my briefcase when I was preparing for a trip.

I have lots of lipstick. A majority was free from Clinique... part of my bonus gifts. My sister uses lipstick as a "pick-me-up" -- don't feel well? Put on some lipstick. Down in the dumps? Put on some lipstick. No time for make-up? Apply lipstick and people will think you have your whole face done. Magic. Magic in a tube.

I wonder who gets the privilege of naming the lipstick. "Pink Beach" "A Different Grape" "Guava Stain" are some of my colors.

(Hmm...Maybe I could research that.)

I wonder how I would do at naming the lipstick shades, but I don't think I would be as creative. "Pale Pink" "Bright Pink" "Red." Nope. I don't think my ideas would be on the cutting edge. I would have to train my mind to think outside the box.

Do people just "land" in those jobs? Or is there a young girl somewhere, coloring in her Barbie coloring book, thinking, "When I grow up I want to be a lipstick namer person!"

April 22, 2005
The last few days I have been carrying a pocket full of notes. One list had reminders of things I wanted to tell Leanna next time we spoke. Another list had items I need to look for when I am out and about. There's even a few reminders of situations to ponder or pray about. My mind won't hold it all but my pocket will.

Fast forward to Morning Pages, Volume Three. At this point I had graduated with my degree in film, took a couple months to get caught up on things, and set a date to embark on my career. Here's what I wrote:

Friday, February 25, 2011
Last week someone asked me a question about where I work or what kind of work I do or something. I can't remember the question, I just remember my response: "I'm a writer. I work at home." It felt so empowering to say it out loud. I am a writer. 

Writing is one of the few careers that others have a hard time accepting as a career unless the person is "published." It's as though you are not a "real" writer unless published... if you are not writing published works, then it must be a hobby. For that reason I used to feel hesitant to call myself a writer. I would say, "I like to write" or "I enjoy writing" even though in reality I am a published author! I treated it more like a hobby or interest -- I felt like I had to be validated or something because others seemed to expect validation. The fact that I really was a published author seemed irrelevant because it was in 1983 so surely that supposed validation was expired.

Deep breath. Ready or not here I come. I am a writer and starting on Monday I will be a working writer... a working, unpaid, writer.  

(Unpaid for now.)

My Morning Pages are often dribble, and sometimes (especially in the earlier volumes) there are large gaps between entries, but they are a valuable tool. Most mornings I awake eager to write my pages... eager to drain my brain. 

I highly recommend this type of writing, even to non-writers.

Action!: Following my dream, literally.

One night, I dreamed a movie. It had a beginning with a great hook, a middle, action, and a twist at the end. Unlike most of my dreams, I was not in it. I was an observer. A viewer. Like at a movie theater, only without the popcorn. When I awoke, I told my husband about the dream and he became very excited, "I want to see that movie!" We discussed possible ways I could sell the idea.

In the meantime, I was tinkering with writing. I liked to write but struggled to find my niche. I thought of my dream and attempted to write it as a novel. It fell short in less than a chapter. Novel writing did not fit me.

As I continued my quest to find my writing direction, I came across a book on screenwriting. I checked it out of the library, took it home to my basement office, opened it up and skimmed a few pages; but, before I even read it, I felt excitement race through my veins. I felt on fire. I cannot describe the feeling, but I immediately recognized it.

I felt that same sensation a few years prior when I stepped into a classroom to attend a lecture titled: "Your Stories for the Next Great Films." The lecture hadn't even started, but I felt that familiar tingling the moment I stepped into the room. I quickly found a seat in the auditorium and wrote this note: I feel so alive and excited being here! ...  I feel more alive than I have in years!

Recognizing and marveling over the similar sensations, my mind reflected on how I read novels... skimming over description to get to the action and dialogue. Suddenly, I was enlightened by the Spirit, and the puzzle pieces locked into place: I wasn't meant to sell my movie idea... I was meant to write the screenplay!

I ran up the stairs shouting, "I know what I want to be when I grow up!"

It was May of 2005. I was 48 years old.

Because of that experience, we sold our home, and moved across the country, where I returned to school and earned a degree in Film and Media Arts. I've written two feature-length screenplays. My first one is ready to market (see: Action!: Moving forward with my screenplays).

What about the dream that started this adventure? It's my second screenplay... the one I recently retyped into my screenwriting software... the one I'm re-writing and polishing now.

And sitting on my shelf is a binder full of movie ideas which surfaced after I took action to follow my dream.

Action!: Catching up.

I haven't had a chance to post about what I've been up to the last several weeks, so I will catch up here.

• Helped with casting for a Lifetime channel movie, and met the screenwriter. Very friendly, and seemed willing to talk with me about my projects.   
• I was an extra for a theme park commercial (which will air, locally, in the spring).
• And an extra for a short film about religious freedom, which will air soon.
• Then I was selected for a photo shoot to be used in a training program. (It was fun to experience being in still photos, rather than video.)
• I attended the screening of Christmas Oranges. I was an extra in that film (see post: Extra again.) and was pleased to see that I didn't hit the cutting room floor entirely.  
• I am nearly finished retyping my second screenplay into my screenwriting software. I planned to edit and rewrite as I typed but decided to type it as is...in its first draft. I think it's important to see the difference between the first draft and completed work. (A good way to measure progress.) It's painful, at times, typing it as is. I see so many areas I want to change, and think, "Good grief, that scene needs major work." But I take comfort that first drafts are always "poo."  I'm anxious to begin the actual re-write.
• I've made time to watch movies! I know, I know. Don't faint. DVDs arrive in the mail and aren't condemned to sit on the counter for a month. Miraculous! I don't have time to write a full "Take" on each one of them, but I'm preparing a post with MINI TAKEs. Tune in next Tuesday for that. Some of the films I've watched the last couple months:

• The Gumball Rally (1976)
• The Wedding Planner (2001)
• Mission Impossible III (2006)
• Mission Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)
• The Princess Bride (1987)
• Men in Black 3 (2012)
• Valentine's Day (2010)
• What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993)
• The Italian Job (2003)
• The Iron Lady (2011)
• Tower Heist (2011)
• and, of course, Christmas Oranges (2012)

There. See? I'm taking action toward my goals. It seems like I've done a lot of "extra" work, and some of my friends get confused, thinking that acting is my goal. But I do little acting gigs to earn some cash. I tell people, "Acting supports my writing habit."

Action!: Writing and more writing.

Thanks to the comments of a reader (Susan) last week, I thought about the kinds of writing I do. Sometimes at the end of the day, I feel like I didn't accomplish much because I didn't get to my screenplay, or to my blog, but actually I did a lot of writing. So for today's post, I thought I would share the kinds of writing I do... some of them almost daily.

• Morning Pages.  That's what Julia Cameron calls them (The Right to Write and The Artist's Way). I write three pages in a spiral notebook, free hand, first thing in the morning, writing whatever pops into my head. Usually it's lame, trivial stuff. Sometimes I record a dream I was having upon waking. I don't re-read my entries for a long time, so when I do read them again, I see patterns (good and bad) in my way of thinking. I see topics repeated over and over that I didn't realize weighed so heavily on my mind... and sometimes I see the solution. And occasionally an epiphany shines through the dullness. I am now working on my 5th volume of Morning Pages, and in the meantime I've started to go back through previous volumes and make notes of the lessons and ideas I've gleaned.

• Memoirs.  I am writing about my life. I read somewhere (I think in one of William Zinsser's books) that the best way to find your voice is to write about memories. So I started by writing random things and events from my childhood. Fun, fluffy things. Later, I felt guided (for personal reasons) to start with my earliest memories and work my way forward. This forces me to face the not so fun and not so fluffy. Sometimes I can only face a few paragraphs. I have no idea what I will do with it when I'm done, other than breathe a sigh of relief.

• Journals.  It all began in a college English Composition class in 1975. The professor required us to keep a journal, and I've maintained that habit ever since, with only a few years lacking. This is where I write my thoughts, feelings, and events of my daily life. Far too often it is a chronicle of my activities, but still, because I have the habit of writing in my journal, I manage to capture important insights too. I have taught classes on journal writing, and preached, "Don't think you will remember to record important matters in your journal if you don't have the habit of writing about the small stuff too." If I have time to only do one kind of writing in a day, it's my journal that gets the slot.

• Screenwriting.  This gets neglected far too often, for reasons that I've bemoaned many times on this blog. Life. Lack of time. Distractions. But it all boils down to Resistance, and it's only recently that I've learned how Resistance blocks the very thing I need to be doing, so I'm pouring my energy into that battle almost daily now.

• Blogs.  I have another blog (My Healthy Eating Challenge), but it's at a standstill. Last year I focused on it, and neglected this one, and this year it's in reverse. Apparently I can only devote my attention to one blog at a time... yet I have several other blog ideas lurking in my brains. Go figure.

At less regular intervals, I do additional writing...

• Reading Notebooks.  When I read, I like to write about what I'm learning, and record ideas and concepts I might want to refer back to.

• Observation Notebook.  One habit I used to have, but lost (and need to regain) was to carry a notebook in my purse and use it to record observations while out and about. I wrote in the notebook while sitting in waiting rooms, or waiting for flights, or wherever... I described my surroundings and the people. I made note of ideas. I captured quotes. I recorded interesting information.... and conversations I overheard. I have several chubby notebooks filled with such writings, yet somehow my observation notebook got detoured into keeping grocery lists, things to do, and other such nonsense. Time to reign it back into its original purpose.

• Poison Purging.  Okay, thankfully this type of writing I don't need daily. Once in a while I find myself full of angry, bitter, thoughts. When I recognize what's happening, I take a sheet of paper and write down all the negativity, emptying the poison onto paper. Then I immediately shred it. There's something about the act of destroying all that ugliness that helps rid me of it.

• Humor Notebook.  When something makes me laugh hard, I write about it in my humor notebook so I won't forget. Reading those entries brightens my day. I love laughing!

• Night Notes.  Sometimes when I need to solve a problem, I write it down in a notebook next to my bed before I go to sleep. I record a few thoughts on the subject and then pose it as a question. This allows my mind to work on a solution while I sleep... and often the answer turns up in my Morning Pages.

That's the overview of my writing. Over the next few weeks, I might share some samples from my notebooks and journals.

Action!: Paving my road...

"The road to hell is paved with works-in-progress." ~ Philip Roth

I was going to post this quote last Monday, but as I pondered it, I realized it didn't seem to fit for Motivation or "Block" Buster (Monday topics)... rather, it described my life. What I was up to. 

Works-in-progress, as I interpreted it, are the numerous creative projects I haven't completed because I'm busy with something else. Really, they are works-at-a-standstill, because in order to reach the level of works-complete, one must make progress.

I've been on a dead run for several weeks, neglecting my screenplays. I haven't even watched a movie in over a month. In fact, a DVD from Netflix arrived on July 26 and still awaits viewing. I allowed myself to get too side-tracked with the busyness of life.

This quote gave me a wake up call. I was paving a road all right, and that road was not leading to success in my goals. It led to "hell"... that state occupied by writers not writing, artists not painting, dancers not dancing.

After pondering on that, I put life on hold while I sat at my computer and resumed progress on a screenplay. Almost as soon as my fingers hit the keys, I felt the fire again...and it wasn't the fire of hell.

"Block" Buster: Go ahead, make mistakes!

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.  Art is knowing which ones to keep."  ~Scott Adams

Fear of making mistakes is a major block for many creative artists. But sometimes what we view as a mistake turns out to be a favorite piece. We look at it with fresh eyes and go, "Wow!"

I remember an art assignment while in the eighth grade. We were instructed to create a picture using water colors, then let droplets of India ink splatter onto the color. I followed the instructions, but mine looked ugly, to me. Frustrated, I folded the four corners of the paper in until they met in the center, then smashed my fist against each of the four folded edges.

My best friend kept me from throwing it in the trash. I still needed it... to show I had attempted the assignment. So, I unfolded the paper, put my name on the back, and placed it to dry with all the other artwork.

Imagine my surprise when I attended an art show at the school a week later and a classmate ran up to me, "You won first place!" Huh? I didn't enter anything! She took me to the Abstract Art display and pointed. I didn't recognize it at first, and checked for my name. Yep, it was mine. My art teacher submitted it for me, and named it "Craters."

Smashing it with my fist had made the India ink fan out, and when it dried, it formed what appeared to be craters of the moon with pale water color background.

My "mistake" was a winner.

Go ahead, make mistakes!

Action!: Photography in the Parks

It's Wednesday... time to tell you what I've been up to.

Remember when I posted about the Free Digital Camera or Video Workshops?  Well, on August 2nd, I went to a workshop at Grand Teton National Park.  It was perfect timing since my family reunion in Idaho was scheduled for August 3-5, less than a two hour drive from the park.

We got lost - ahem - we took a scenic detour route on the way to Jackson Hole, but I arrived in time to register for the last class.  I admit, I was wishy-washy about what I wanted to do... still photography or video? My camera or theirs?  Back and forth I went, until I finally opted for video with one of their nice cameras (free!), but dragged my camcorder with me "just in case."

Here's a photo:













Impressed?  Me too.  I only wish I had taken the shot!

Sigh.  I had grand ideas about posting some of my clips on here to show you what I've been up to, but oh my goodness, I was soooo rusty with my camera skills.  I told the instructor, "I better not quit my day job!"

That night, as I drifted off to sleep, I suddenly remembered in a panic... I neglected to delete some embarrassingly awful shots before returning their camera!  Yikes, would any of the Canon employees see it?  Worse yet, would the link they provide for me, to retrieve the clips, be public? Gulp.

I agonized over the accidental footage taken while the camera dangled around my neck...having forgotten to stop the recording.  Yep, almost two minutes of grass, shoes, shadows, and some close ups of weird fuzzy burrs stuck to my instructor's pant legs!

All in all, though, it was a great experience and helped me remember how much I love taking video (and still shots) even, and maybe especially, when it's just for fun.

Now, I need to dust off my own camera and practice, practice, practice. Practice pushing the button to stop recording!

Action!: Internship

Finally... a chance to write about interning with a director. (See post: Action!: Director's Intern).

First, some backstory...

I am on the Board of Directors (Treasurer) for Utah Women in Film, a non-profit organization. Last year UWIF sponsored a screenwriting contest for a short. The winner received $50 and the promise that UWIF would produce the script. Dandelions was the winner of that contest and this summer we set out to get it filmed. It's now in post-production, and when it's complete, we will submit it to various film festivals.

A big part of our mission for Utah Women in Film is education, so with the production of Dandelions we placed professional filmmakers (who volunteered their time and waived their wages) in the key positions (producer, director, cinematographer, etc) and then offered internships for members of the organization to work with the professionals.

Initially, I didn't think I could help much on the day of the shoot since I had previous commitments. When my calendar unexpectedly cleared up, I eagerly asked if I could intern with the director, Taunya Gren.

Taunya had amazing insights on how to make the story--two young sisters being bullied at a schoolyard--even better, giving it depth and subtext. I was in awe of her ideas, and happy to have a chance to work with her.

It was a blast to participate in casting. As each child auditioned, I made mental notes as to which ones I would choose. I was spot on with the actors Taunya selected for the roles.

An Assistant Producer was assigned to find a location, a school, with a specific look. She searched diligently, and enlisted the help of others, and came up with three options. One evening I needed to get my husband from work, and I realized the school across the street was perfect. I cannot describe the feeling when I saw it, but I just knew it was what Taunya wanted. I quickly took a bunch of pictures with my cell phone and sent them to the Assistant Producer who forwarded them to Taunya, and she agreed... she wanted that location. It had numerous elements that played right into her vision of the story.

A couple days later, I drove with her and the cinematographer to the location, where we walked around the area and came up with the shot list. I learned how the director worked with the cameraperson, discussing where certain scenes would be shot, at what angle, and so forth. As we sat at a table, working on the storyboard, she told me how much she loved the location and said, "You know why you were drawn to this school? It was your director's eye." A heady feeling accompanied that compliment.

But alas, as often happens in filmmaking, not all things work out as planned. We could not get permission to film at that location. BUMMER. So Taunya went with her second choice. Still, I'm glad I had the experience of location scouting and recognizing architectural elements that give clues to a story. And when the second-choice school learned the film was about bullying, they asked if they could use it for their anti-bullying campaign, and they want to get a TV spot for it too. So sometimes second choice is the right choice. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out!

On the day of shooting, I helped set up a brief scene, but for the most part I hovered nearby and observed the director working with the cast and crew. With only one day to film, I limited my questions and tried to stay out of the way.

I enjoyed my time as a director's intern. I've worked as a Production Assistant on two short films, but this experience helped me realize that I enjoy the creative aspects of directing, rather than the business details of producing.

As a screenwriter though, I kicked myself numerous times throughout the day because I didn't submit a short script for the contest last year. I was not on the Board of Directors at that time, so was qualified to submit. But alas, it was one of those opportunities that escaped me because I was overwhelmed with busyness. (See post: Missed Opportunities)

Action!: Director's Intern

It's Wednesday, time to post about what I'm working on....

I am interning with a director, working on a short film, Dandelions.  My previous experience with directing was for my student films, but I had to do everything... the writing, producing, directing, camera work, and editing.  This is my first time being involved with just the director's duties, and I find it fulfilling.


Busy days.  In pre-production right now, and gearing up to shoot this weekend.  Hopefully I will have a chance to write more about this experience next week.

Action!: This means war!

I consider myself adventuresome and somewhat brave. Not in a death-defying-extreme-thrill-seeking way, but in a gee-that-sounds-like-fun way. I have tried (and enjoyed) white water river rafting (anything below a class 4 is a yawner to me); ziplining; snowshoeing; rock wall climbing (okay, I didn't get my wide load to the top, but I still felt like Spartacus afterwards); and dogsledding. I even took my first snow ski lesson last year (at age 54), and next month I plan to run a 5K muddy obstacle course.

I've faced challenging situations head on (although, I whimpered at times) such as driving a 26 foot Penske truck, filled with our household goods, across the country... alone (except for the cat under my seat); returning to school at age 51; and giving up sugar.

All of those things (except for the white water rafting) I achieved in the last ten years (thanks to coming out of my sugar coma). I try to live by the motto: Don't make decisions based on fear.

So why then, does a seemingly simple thing like writing a query letter drop me in my tracks? Thanks to  Steven Pressfield's The War of Art, I understand: It's Resistance.

Pressfield describes Resistance as an invisible force that blocks our path whenever we try to advance to a higher level of spirituality, or pursue our dreams or calling in life. If we're going downhill, or regressing, it gives us a free pass.

The fact that sitting down to face a query letter (and sometimes screenwriting) fills me with anxiety is actually a good sign, according to the author. He describes Resistance and fear:

     Are you paralyzed with fear? That's a good sign.
     Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do.
     Remember our rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.
     Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that the enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That's why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there'd be no Resistance.  
     ....
     So if you're paralyzed with fear, it's a good sign. It shows you what you have to do.

I wish I had understood that concept sooner... before I spent over a year spinning my wheels, trying to find my passion, trying to understand why I felt such anxiety whenever I tried to work on my screenplays. (See my previous post: Self reflection: Passion for Work)

In my search I came to understand that I was experiencing something in common with other writers, and I came to accept that anxiety was part of my writing experience, but now after reading The War of Art, I understand better the reason behind it, and the very real force field that blocks me: Resistance. Now I understand better how to fight--and win--my inner creative battles. This means war!




Note: This book was highly recommended by a screenwriter/filmmaker I respect, so I was taken aback when I found vulgar language, (mainly in the latter half of the book). I abhor foul language. (See post: Why I dislike profanity.) Therefore, I give warning to anyone who, like me, is offended by vulgarity: read with caution... if you choose to read it.

Action!: Moving forward with my screenplays.

Focusing on this blog helped me focus on my screenplays. Remember when I posted about my re-writing woes, and how I couldn't drag myself to my script?  (See: Action!: Write and re-write.)  Well, guess what... not only did I drag myself to it, I've finished it, and registered my screenplay--Sister of the Bride--with the Writer's Guild of America! (Feel free to applause.)

When I wrote the post about "Write and re-write" I had typed the title page to another feature length screenplay, and that simple baby step somehow helped me return to Sister of the Bride and finish that final polish. Crazy, huh?  Sure, it will still need changes down the road; that's the nature of the beast.  Screenplays are changed even during production. The masterfully written script for The Da Vinci Code was revised 25 times during filming.

Since screenplays continue to evolve, it's easy to get caught up in rewriting; eternally tweaking.  I've had feedback from nearly fifty screenwriters, and I've incorporated the appropriate suggestions, making it tighter and stronger with each re-write, until I reached a point where it was enough. Borrowing from Farmer Hoggett (Babe), I acknowledged, "That'll do pig."

So I felt giddy yesterday when I registered my "baby" with the WGA.  It feels official.  It feels done!

I want to bask in this feeling for a few moments before I move forward with selling it... and before I move forward with re-writing, tweaking, and polishing my other screenplay.

Action!: Practicing Baby Steps

I needed to practice the baby steps, as mentioned in Monday's post.  A year and a half ago I took an on-line course for selling my script.  That's when I was fresh out of school -- raring and ready to go.  The first assignment was to write a query letter, which the instructor would evaluate.

Lesson number one: query letter.  That stopped me dead in my tracks. Thankfully, there were no deadlines for the class.  I can still complete the work.

It seems so ridiculous that writing a query letter could cause such anxiety, especially when it was going to a kind and encouraging instructor whom I selected because of his "you can do it" attitude.  It's not like the letter would shoot down my script or slam the door of opportunity on me.  It was for practice and learning for pity's sake!

Still...thoughts of writing it brought on nausea.

Finally, with the concept of "growing less fearful by taking baby steps" I was able to open up a word document, put a heading with my contact information, address it, and write the first sentence!

GO ME!  (Where's my blankie?  Can I have a pacifier now?)

Action!: Driving

What am I up to? Driving.

There's a group of us that help move cars between car dealerships. A shuttle van takes us to a dealership, then hands us each a key. We drive the car we're given to whichever dealership we are delivering to on that particular run, then the shuttle meets us there and takes us to the next location. It's a small part-time job (about one day a week), but I love it. I love driving different makes and models of vehicles. How does this help me with screenwriting?

• It gets me out-and-about, beyond the four walls of my office, seeing the world around me, stimulating my senses.
• I get lots of ideas while driving; it's my traveling think tank.
• The small amount of money I earn helps to fund my creative projects, plus I'm saving for a screenwriting retreat.
• The people I work with are great character studies... a few of their names give a clue: Larry and Moe; Bill and Ted; Fifa, and a grown hippie love child named Five. Ted is full of tall-tales. We never know when he's telling us the truth or a story. We suspect the movie Big Fish (2003) was based on Ted. For me, he's the story that got away!

Action!: Extra again.

It's Wednesday.  Time to report on what I've been up to.

Last week I had the wonderful privilege of being an extra for the movie Christmas Oranges (2012). I think I'm still floating on the awesomeness of the experience, which included:

• Having wardrobe dress me in a beautiful period costume for my role as a "Benefactress."
• Having a professional do my make-up while I chatted with the daughter of Edward Herrmann. (She was also an extra in the same scene.)
• Filming a scene with Edward Herrmann, the other extras (Benefactors/Benefactresses), and a cast of talented young actors (the orphans).
• Meeting Linda Bethers (also a Benefactress), the author of the book (by the same title).
• Hanging out with Sally Meyer, who wrote the screenplay. (She wrote Life According to Penny... I shared the clip in my post: Success for my friend and mentor!) I could gush some more about her accomplishments, but I will hold back since I hope she will write a guest post after she's done with filming, and catches up on some much needed sleep!

Here's a picture of me, taken with my phone. To see some delightful pictures of the cast (taken by Sally!), click here.

I was thrilled with the dress they selected for me.
How did they know it's one of my favorite colors?