Comic Relief: Steve Martin quotes.

I am a Steve Martin fan. If I used Twitter, I would definitely follow his tweets. I read his book The Ten, Make That Nine, Habits of Very Organized People.  Make That Ten." The Tweets of Steve Martin.    His wittiness cracked me up.

The following quotes are attributed to Steve Martin, although I think some of them are lines from his films. Nevertheless, I think they're funny.

• By the way, the proceeds from tonight's telecast - and I think this is so great - will be divvied up between huge corporations.

• A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

• All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

• It's not the size of the nose that matters, it's what's inside that counts.

• The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, "Hey, mind if I smoke?" I always say, "No.  Mind if I fart?"

• There's a point when you're famous and it's unbearable to go out because you're too famous. And there's a moment when you're famous just right.

• And now, I'm pleased to introduce the star of the film Gladiator, and a man I like to call a close, personal friend, but he told me not to...

• I wrote a novel this year called "Shop Girl", and several producers came to me and wanted to turn it into a movie. And I said, "If you think you're going to take this book and change it around, and Hollywoodize it and change the ending... that's going to cost you." 

• I gave my cat a bath the other day, they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that.

• I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

• Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

• I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word.  The word they didn't change was on page 87.