Am I nuts?

During my first semester at school, I went to the career counseling library with one of my classes. We were instructed to look up our particular chosen field and learn about the job description, requirements, and salary. I found the book on filmmaking and flipped to the pages for Screenwriter. The listed salary was both discouraging and exhilarating: Range... $0 to $1,000,000. Okay, that's a pretty wide gap.

Lately I've been questioning my choices and taking a long look at my chosen profession. Why do I feel driven towards a career so laden with difficulties, stress, uncertainty, rejection.... AAAACCKKK!! (Picture me pulling my hair out here.)

I used to tell my husband that a dream job for me would be crunching numbers--adding columns upon columns of numbers while seated in a cubicle. Seriously. I've had a job like that and absolutely enjoyed it. So why don't I feel driven to pursue that career? Why does the very thought of getting a degree in, say, accounting, make me want to upchuck?

Why screenwriting? Why filmmaking? Why writing? Why any career in The Arts? Why can't I feel a passion for a job that actually pays, or even one that sounds like a real job? I've been driving myself crazy, questioning.

I'm not alone in my craziness. I started reading Staying Sane in the Arts by Eric Maisel, Ph.D., a psychotherapist who works exclusively with creative and performing artists. I've had the book for several years, but finally drug it off the shelf. Like the salary range for a screenwriter, the first chapter of this book was both discouraging and exhilarating.

First the discouragement. Right away in the introduction he describes the "real artist in the real world" as "often uncertain about his own talent, wants to do art his own way, but must also do business, is hard-pressed to make a living, posses a personality that sometimes serves him well and sometimes does not, frequently has bouts of depression, and in general faces the toughest uphill battle one can imagine."

Gulp.

Oh. It continues.

"I believe that the artist in contemporary Western society is guaranteed a life of grave difficulty because of his personality, because of the inevitable challenges he encounters..."  (italics added)

That's just the introduction. If that's not a big enough dose of discouragement, then the first chapter brings another punch. He writes of income--or the lack thereof.  He states, "A quarter of all working visual artists earn no money from their arts, and another quarter earn less than $1,000 a year. Almost 90 percent earn less than $5,000 a year. ... Similarly disturbing figures can be quoted for...all groups of creative and performing artists."

Then he poses the same question I keep asking myself: "Why would a smart, ambitious, talented person choose to live such a life?"

Because I feel alive when I create. I feel joy when I create. Author Maisel quotes the sculptor Louise Nevelson, "In my studio I'm as happy as a cow in her stall."

I'm not alone in my craziness, and there's hope that I can learn to work with the anxieties and discouragement. That's the exhilarating part of the book so far. Tomorrow... chapter two.

Why I dislike profanity.

Perhaps you recall an earlier post where I referred to topics I might discuss in this blog. (Click here to see that entry.) This post is in response to the next issue I wanted to address: Why foul language bothers me.

"Swearing is the language of the ignorant." That's what I grew up hearing. "People who swear are not smart enough to think of a more appropriate word."

Think about it... when an author wants to indicate an intelligent race, he usually eliminates swearing from the vocabulary.

For years, I associated swearing with lack of intelligence and lack of refinement. I never really thought about the "author" of foul language. Other than the obvious "Lord's name in vain" type references, I never thought about how all swearing is offensive to God until I took a class taught by Randall Wright. He conducted a study on affects of strong language in the media. Research and study revealed that all swear words fit into four different categories.

1. Describing body parts and/or functions. We are created in God's image. Our bodies are divine temples where our spirits dwell. So who would want to mock bodies? Satan...he who has no body! 
2. Descriptions or references to intimacy. Intimacy is sacred and beautiful. Through intimate relations, husband and wives can draw close to each other, as well as bring children into the world. So who would want to make fun of such a sacred union? Old Scratch...he who would love to destroy marriage and family relationships.
3. Describing others. We are all children of God, no matter what color, size, or shape. He loves us all, and wants us to care for each other. So who would want us to mock others? Yep...ole what's-his-no-face, the master of mockery (and misery).
4. Vain references to Deity. The misuse, overuse, and downright abuse of holy names are utterly offensive to God. So who would want us to profane Deity? The evil one who fights against all things Holy and Good.

There you have it: profanity is authored by the devil. Foul language offends me, and worse, it offends God.

Sometimes when I complain about foul language, I hear the response, "Oh, I don't even notice. I hear far worse at school." (or work, or wherever...) When I mention strong language in films, I usually hear about "realism" and how it was "true to the character." Well, I don't care. A character can display anger through expression and action. I don't need to hear profanity spewing forth to understand his anger, or to understand his upbringing, or to understand his (or her) feelings.

Some accuse me of being naive if I think films don't need profanity. I say, "Look at the classics. They didn't need profanity and they are still held as a standard of great films."

Some tell me profanity is inevitable. I say,"The media helped bring profanity to this level, therefore the media can help bring the level of profanity down!"

I voted with my money -- twice!

In an earlier post (see: My movie viewing preferences.) I mentioned my need to support new release movies at the theater whenever I feel like it is quality and in good taste. Well, I've gone twice in May! Go me! I voted with my money (well...technically Kurt's hard earned money) for Soul Surfer (2011) and for Pirates Of The Caribbean: Stranger Tides (2011).

When Soul Surfer came out, I had no idea what it was about. It wasn't until I started hearing "thumbs up" reports from friends that I decided to see it. I'm not sure how long it had been playing by that time, but it was still at the new-release theater and not the "sticky shoe."

We wanted to see Pirates the first weekend it came out, but decided to avoid the crowds so we waited until Wednesday.

From what I understand, the success of a film is often determined by the numbers attending the weekend it hits the screen. Do I lose points for not attending the films during box office weekend?

House on fire.

In the movie Leap Year (2010), my favorite scene (warning...spoiler alert...) is when the main character pulls the fire alarm in their new apartment and observes the items her new fiance' frantically gathers. That scene made me wonder, with the house on fire, what would I grab?

I saw the movie earlier this week and continue to think about it, so when I came across a website today titled The Burning House, I was intrigued. People gather the items they treasure, take a picture of it, and list the items. No fluffs. No advertising. Just here it is folks. Here's what I would grab.

The photos, pleasing to the eye, are well composed. I enjoyed looking at them as an art form since they are in essence a portrait of the person posting, but it's also like a glimpse into his or her soul... a nostalgic unnerving.

Besides the safety of my family, what would I want to rescue from our burning home? Three things pop into my mind... my journals, my external hard drives (with my short films and photos), and the photo albums.  

My "grab and go" list makes me want to scan everything and post it on the web where I can retrieve it from anywhere on any computer, so if the house catches fire I can just run screaming into the streets.